Putting aside the labels modern society attaches to women, we don’t need to be perfect all the time. Admitting we can be fragile or confused at times, and treating ourselves kindly rather than chasing others’ approval, is how we live our self-worth. With International Women’s Day approaching, STUDIO DOE launches the #IMPERFECT project, extending “IMPERFECT” into the meaning of “I’M PERFECT,” hoping that regardless of life stage, reconciling with your imperfections is the beginning of a whole self.
This time we specially invited Mother of quadruplets Samantha Wearing a limited T‑shirt inspired by the word “IMPERFECT,” she shares her life story: as the mother of quadruplets, Samantha often posts moments of life with her daughters on social media, and her parenting values have drawn many followers. She recalls the life-changing 2010 moment when she was discovered to be carrying quadruplets. Although doctors recommended reduction to lower various risks, she didn’t want to forfeit any chance at life and chose to give birth to all four children.
Over the years Samantha carefully cared for her daughters, but one day unexpectedly announced she was returning to single life. Perhaps not every partner can support each other through growth; many unclear disputes between her and her husband led them to drift apart. She’s still adapting to the change in identity, but with her children’s support she has come to understand that life’s imperfections can also be a kind of perfection.
My pregnancy was unusual. At first a doctor told me it was an ectopic pregnancy and suggested termination; I thought I would wait. By the ninth week the doctor said, “Congratulations, you’re having twins.” Because I was pregnant in the U.S., the doctor recommended a referral for more detailed ultrasound screening. When they counted the babies carefully, we discovered I was actually carrying four children!
“I didn’t want to give up any chance at life. As a mother, I wanted them to live.”
Neither my husband nor I had a family history of multiples, so the news both surprised and frightened us. The risks of premature birth and various uncertainties led doctors to recommend fetal reduction. During the struggle I decided to keep them all—I didn’t want to give up any chance at life. I did everything I could to bring them into the world; whether they survived was up to fate, but at least I felt I hadn’t wronged them.
I actually announced my single status one or two years after the divorce. There was no third party; it was simply years of inability to communicate that led us apart. As a public figure, choosing to go public was a challenge. Presenting an ID with the spouse field blank made me embarrassed—I felt like a failed spouse, and not being able to provide a complete family for my children filled me with guilt.
“If it could be two people, I wouldn’t choose to be alone.”
Accepting your imperfections is painful. I know my heart hasn’t fully adjusted, but I must face the reality of being a single mother. When two people aren’t better than one, I’m choosing the better of those options. Single mothers don’t need to feel ashamed; it’s my daughters who taught me to be brave. I’m grateful they accepted our decision. My husband and I may not be together, but it doesn’t affect the love we give our children.
Only when you confront your flaws and accept imperfection can you enjoy a full life. Life includes sour, sweet, bitter, and spicy moments—motherhood brings times that make you angry, happy, or deeply moved; these moments are the fullness of life. It’s not about how others see you but about returning to your inner self. When your inner strength is sufficient, outside comments don’t affect you.
My biggest change is being willing to admit there are many things I can’t do and accepting that everything that happens is the best arrangement. “Surrender” has been my recent keyword. Besides living earnestly, if you want your children to be a certain way, you must first become that person yourself. I want them to know I will live my life well.
“Admitting your weakness is the beginning of making yourself whole.”
As my children grow, I am no longer everything in their lives. I know no amount of love from me can replace their future, and I don’t want them to feel guilty for living brilliantly. When I learned to relax, my children naturally became at ease. Many say children slow life’s progress; indeed there are choices that require compromise, but having children has made my life richer.
I’m interested in many things. I’m not highly specialized in any, but I enjoy doing things with my daughters. We all love activities involving water—swimming, diving, etc.—and learning and trying through play is very satisfying for us.
“There are so many things I still want to do; it’s not that children have delayed me.”
Besides participating in CETA healing courses and earning a Pilates reformer instructor certificate, I recently applied for the EMBA program at Chung Yuan Christian University. Sometimes it feels like I’m challenging myself (laughs), but I enjoy learning; it feels like I’m truly starting to live. Since you can’t have everything, I take a bit of each within my capacity and proceed slowly.
I think the first step is to give yourself a break—“daring to relax” is important for the mother role. Many ask how I balance children and work; I believe it depends on how much you want to accomplish something. When your desire is strong, you’ll find a way. Everyone has the same amount of time; it’s how you allocate it to achieve your goals.
Besides wanting to take my daughters to experience different lives and challenges, I hope to use my influence to encourage more people. Practice accepting each stage of yourself—everything that happens to me, good or bad, is moving me toward a better self. Maybe we all crave the perfect life, but clinging to that ideal can prevent us from choosing. Through Samantha’s story, she doesn’t use others’ standards to define herself; she bravely lives the life she loves and reaps her own brilliant rewards.
